Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize