this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
