no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize