yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I can text with my tongue
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
