im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
