Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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