What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
