They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
