You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
