Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
