Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Randomize
