So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
