no, he came in my armpit
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
