why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
