apparently the secret to your success is patron
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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