Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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