Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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