I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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