Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize