I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
