It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize