he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
