omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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