he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
