Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
