He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
