That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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