Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
