3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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