I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
