I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
