I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
