The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
