I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize