You're earring is so big in my mouth
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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