Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
