dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
