glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
