The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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