he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
