their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
