dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
