My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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