I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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