too bad you live with your parents still
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
