it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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