you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
