I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
