i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
