Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
