can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This is classic penis vs brain.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
