I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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