Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
