Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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