Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Acid is not a monday night drug
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
