My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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