My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
