1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
