can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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