No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
