The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
