i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
