and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You're completely useless in the revolution.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize