I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
