In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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