i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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