she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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