Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
