i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Buhtt sex?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
