Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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