just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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