i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
