Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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