best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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