dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
