Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
