dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize