Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
