dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
