I'm lost and stupid without you.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
