At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Found the puke drawer
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
ok first of all what the fuck
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
