also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
