K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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