I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
