I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
