Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I supernannyed him into submission
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
