she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
