Have you finally orgasmed yet?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
