hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
