I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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