everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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